Finding Her

Do you remember her?

I know you do, because you feel her missing. That is your loss. The ache that tells you that something is amiss, that things are not where they are supposed to be. That you are not who you are supposed to be. The seed of unease that makes you fluctuate between frustrated anger and nervous anxiety. The seed that sows doubt and destroys your confidence. The seed that keeps you seeking for more outside of you because you never feel enough within you. The seed that compels you to follow the path to finding her. 

I know you remember her, because you miss her. Your every struggle in life is because you feel her missing.

You are frustrated with your inability to move forward, like there is something holding you back. You don’t know how to move forward and you don’t know how or where to begin in finding her.

It feels like there is a huge mountain range before you and while you want to traverse that mountain range and find what is on the other side, you keep telling yourself it’s too big, it’s too hard, it’s not safe. You tell yourself you don’t know what’s on the other side. But you do know. You can feel it deep within and that is why it keeps calling to you. That is why you feel so uncomfortable every day. Because you have this nagging deep calling to go to the other side of that mountain and find her.

You know she is there.

You hear her calling to you and you want to go there. You desperately miss her, you long for her. The girl you once were. The woman you once were.

She is waiting for you on the other side of that mountain and she believes in you. She doesn’t blame you for forgetting her. She has been with you through it all. She knows your pain. She knows your struggle. She knows your fear.

She understands why you have avoided visiting that mountain that lies between you and her, distracting yourself with the busyness of your life. It is all so busy and such a welcome distraction. Because you don’t want to go there. You are scared to look at that mountain made up of your memories, your thoughts, your emotions, your pain, your struggle, your anguish.

What if it all comes back?

What if I fall apart again?

What if it hurts?

You think in avoiding it and pretending it is not there that it doesn’t impact on you. The more you ignore it, the more power it has over you.

The shadow of the mountain is diming your light and you don’t even know it.

You have become use to living your life in this way. You have become accustomed to the darkness, the emptiness, the fear, the pain, the struggle. You have forgotten that it can be different. While you continue to choose to avoid looking at the mountain, your pain, then its shadow will keep you trapped in your life and who you are.

Your true freedom can only come when you decide that you don’t want to struggle anymore, that you don’t want to stay in the shadow of your past. Your life will change when you choose to be the creator of change and step forward with courage to face that mountain, knowing that your true self resides on the other side, beckoning you to come. She compels you to join her in light and fulfilment; peace and joy and ease.

The first step is often the hardest, and yet it is always the most powerful. When you say ‘yes I am ready to change’ and ‘I am ready to look beyond what I have been told my life is and can be’, when you decide that you no longer want to live in the struggle that you have found yourself trapped, then you can start your journey in finding her.

She resides within you. She always has.

For you are whole, there is nothing missing from inside you. You are already complete, you always have been. And as you own your story and look within the layers of your past and honour the pain and struggle that have kept you separate from her, from your wholeness, you will progressively unravel the layers and open the door to her.

As you invite her back into your life, you will remember that she is all contained within one body, one energy, one soul. She is all that you are and is all that you could ever need.

Your pain is her pain.

Your struggle is her struggle.

Your anguish is her anguish.

And she will hold you and guide you along the path back to her. And as you reconnect to her, see the glimpses of her emerging into your life, your desire to be her will become stronger than your fear of changing. And as you release the resistance to change, you will unlock a deep power within that will bring you back to her, and allow your life to transform to all that you could possibly desire it to be. As you progressively unravel your emotional baggage, you uncover the freedom lying within your body, mind and spirit and reconnect you to the beauty of your soul.

She is ready for you. She is waiting for you.

In losing you, you open yourself to finding her. 

She is powerful. She is beautiful. She is magnificent.

She is you.


Image by: Mickael Gresset, Unsplash


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