What lies beneath your façade?
The carefully created mask that hides your smouldering wounds, the pains of your past, the memories tucked away deep within you. Ensuring you cannot see, feel or remember them. And the world does not need to know your pain, for surely you would be seen as weak and vulnerable should anyone else know your truth, and your fear of rejection implores you to run from your pain, to survive.
You tell the world, through your Instagram perfect life, that you are not just surviving, that you are in fact thriving. The face. The hair. The clothes. The shoes. The bags. The career. The partner. The house. The children.
Tick, tick, tick.
The layers of your perfect life determinedly conveying that you are enough to a world that demands you be enough, or so you have convinced yourself.
Why, if you are enough in your eyes and those who judge you, does the emptiness scream louder each day?
Why, with all that you have and all that you are, does the void expand?
Why are you so unhappy, despite having it all?
This is not what you have been sold! You were convinced that if you crafted your life in such ways, then the niggle of unease would go away. The anxiety that dances around the edges of your every day, mocking and threatening to obliterate the world that you know. The façade that you have created to convince yourself and everyone else that you are in control of your life, is suddenly at risk of shattering.
The darkness looms, like a storm brewing off-shore. Will it land or will it pass?
You battle, desperate to retain control of your manicured life, filling the aching nothingness with more in the hope it will go away. More of what you have convinced yourself makes you happy – more of what society has told you will make you happy!
You shop more. You eat more. You drink more. You exercise more. You socialise more. You gamble more. You work more. You study more.
More sex, drugs and rock and roll, right? Maybe not, but you know your fix.
And you use it ever more often to silence the inner restlessness, to keep that void of emptiness filled and ensure that the festering wounds of your past, hidden deep within do not get a chance to surface. Your addiction of choice starts to take over. But you do not have a choice. This is survival now and everything is at stake, you don’t know another way. You need your fix too much to stop now.
You are convinced that if you stop your fight, let go of the habits and behaviours that are now trapping and controlling you, that you will fall deeply into the darkness that has threatened you for so long.
But here’s the truth, no matter how well your wound is concealed, it will remain and persist in taunting you when you least expect it. The feeling of inadequacy for not being selected in a school sporting team, is activated 20 years later when you miss out on the work promotion that you desire. The sense of failure and inadequacy flooring you, the memories of a dad leaving you, boyfriends cheating on you, friends ditching you – secretly scream at you from within. All desperate to remind you, that you are not enough. That you are not good enough and here is more evidence to reinforce that old subconscious belief.
It is painful and it is frightening because it feels so big, and you do not think you can handle these reminders of your past – so you take control and you run back to all that silences your hurt and makes you feel calm and safe and happy once again.
Until it doesn’t.
Your journey through life is a constant transformation. And to grow, you must let go of the fight to stay who you are and the life you have crafted, and learn to embrace change. True transformation begins when you see your pain as a pathway for your growth. When you hit a dead end, there is only one place to go and that is deeper into the dead end.
You have turned and run in the opposite direction for way too long.
The darkness is not your enemy. The darkness is your ticket to freedom.
Do not doubt your ability to remove the root cause of the disturbance inside of you. It really can go away. You can look deep within yourself, to the core of your being, and decide that you don’t want the weakest part of you running your life any more. You want to be free of this.
You must face, acknowledge and honour that which you have avoided for so long. To heal any wound, it must be tended with love, given what is needed for the rawness to settle and the tightness to loosen and to enable the strength of your inner wisdom to thread the pieces of your broken heart and soul back into place. The meticulous balance of energy attached to the wounded memory will interweave new thoughts and beliefs, strengthening the stitch that will hold you together when next you face a trigger.
When you allow yourself to consider the dark corners of your soul and surrender to it, you allow the tension within you to begin to release, and the light that has been patiently waiting, to slip into the void of darkness, infiltrating your pain, your memory, your wound. As the light within you expands, you begin your healing journey, becoming stronger and more centred in your true self.
When you make the choice to change, and embark on this healing journey, you need tools to support you. The following 10 techniques can be used daily to help you remain centred and focussed on your healing, and to flow through your transition with greater ease and grace.
Switch of your mind and allow your subconscious to write each morning for 10 minutes, releasing the debris carried within your energy body. Writing is a powerful therapeutic tool to enable the release of subconscious thoughts and memories.
2. Be IN Love
The vibration of unconditional love, is the most powerful of all vibrations. In activating this energy within yourself for short periods daily, you raise your own vibration and enable unconditional love to fill your energy field and support your healing. Find a quiet space and tune into the vibration of love and sit in this space for at least 10 minutes each morning.
3. Sleep Deep & Wash It Off
With the conscious mind silenced while you sleep, significant transformation occurs on the subconscious level, with much of your conscious healing work being integrated whilst you sleep. Sleep must be a priority when you are growing and evolving, so aim to be in bed by 10pm. When you wake, cleanse your physical body by showering and washing away the remnants of sleep and any other energetic toxicity that has been released whilst you slept.
4. Stay Centred & Grounded
As you begin to shift, your energy fields will begin to change. It is essential as this happens to stay connected to earth, with your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds. Being present with the experience, centred in yourself and grounded enables the healing energy to move through you and your transition to happen with greater ease and grace. Spend time in nature, gardening, crystals, essential oils etc to stay grounded.
5. Switch It Up
Be aware of your emotions and use your breath to move through your emotions as they surface. Do not label them as good or bad, simply acknowledge them and allow them to pass through you. Attaching to them, creates further blocks and will slow your healing. Practice the art of feeling, seeing and releasing, use your breath or blow bubbles to assist you.
6. Fill Your Cup
Do something daily for no other reason that makes you feel good. Feeling good raises your vibrations and the higher your vibrations the more efficient your energy field is in releasing that which no longer serves you and will support your transformation.
7. Shake It Out
Connect with your memories and emotions as they surface, the time for running is done. Allow yourself to feel them in your body, place your hand on the spot where you feel the emotion rising and then begin to move with your feelings. Allow the innate wisdom of your body to guide you in your movement (dance / tai chi / yoga – it doesn’t matter the name, it is all about movement). As you embody the energy of your memories and their emotions and move with them, they begin to release. Continue to move until you feel a lightness fill the space where the emotion was being held in your body.
8. Forgive Yourself and Forgive Others
As you heal, be gentle with yourself and each day write a list of things you forgive yourself for (at least 10 each day). As you move deeper into your healing, you will be called to forgive others. Do not force this, but sit with it and simply open your heart and allow yourself to write a list of why you forgive the person on your mind. You may need to re-do this many times. Forgiveness of yourself and others is the key to your freedom, and while any resentment or blame towards yourself or others remains, you will continue to be disempowered.
9. See Your Magic
Open your eyes and see how magnificent you really are, remember who you really are and reconnect with her by writing a list of all the ways you are magnificent (at least 10 each day). Self-love takes time to grow, but if you water it daily it will flourish over time and will prove to be one of the most powerful tools in your transformation.
10. Say Thank You
Remember gratitude as you move through the day and make sure you express it. Even in the discomfort of the dark corners of your soul find something to feel grateful for. Gratitude will balance the intensity of the darkness, by bringing through the light. While you may be in enormous physical or emotional pain, finding gratitude in some part of the experience eg. I am grateful for the love I am feeling from my partner; I am grateful for the warm blanket that surrounds me as I curl in foetal position, will raise your vibration and assist the heaviness to lift. When you are in true gratitude, you cannot feel your pain – the two cannot co-exist in that moment.
If you are ready to release your façade and share your true self with the world, you must do your work. Choosing simple, yet powerful daily techniques will support you as you rise and face the dark corners of your soul. As your inner wisdom is reactivated, you will be guided you on your journey home and you will emerge in your truth in the world.
Bernadette has recently released her debut novel, Let’s Go Home, Finding There While Staying Here, to 5 star reviews…..Order Your Copy Here
Thank you Bernadette, this is so true coz I was married to a man you described above. My life together with our children was a nightmare for 27 yrs of living together. I left the marriage.